I think once we decide to answer the call and do the work, we come to a place where we can no longer hide. Where not sharing our gifts isn’t a choice anymore because you can recognize that its no longer about you, but something greater. There’s been a push, a call from a place within me that transcends ego, that I can no longer ignore. Because the more I walk forward on this path, I realize very little, if anything at all is ever truly just about me.
Contrary to publishing this blog, I’ve never been someone who wanted to share. I’ve always been the person in the back, not raising my hand, hoping and praying no one sees me. For the last few years however this has been challenged and I’ve found myself sitting in more circles and ‘talking sticks’. In the beginning whenever someone would ask, who would like to share? I would think “seriously? Who really WANTS to share?” For me it was more like whose turn is it to step forward onto the plank. This is still an ongoing relationship with myself. It always amazes me to bear witness to all the people out there who enjoy sharing. I’ve come to strongly admire those people. It can take immense vulnerability and courage to share yourself, your real self, not just in a closed circle, but with the world, and in everything you do.
I’ve always been an observer. And that’s allowed me to see with a greater and wider lens. I think I struggled with all the many intentions that I see for people sharing. I’m worried to lose myself in the swirls of the ego or need for superficial gratification. Or worse, I’ll be out there in the world, never coming back, at the mercy of ridicule and judgement. This has prevented me from engaging in any kind of social media platform for a long time, and still causes quite a bit of hesitation. But I’m realizing now the best thing I can do is to walk into that fear and learn. And I suppose this fear may be good, because ultimately it keeps me honest and it allows me to really analyze my intentions for sharing and root down into my authenticity.
I’ve always felt, thought and generally believed differently than most people around me. The gifts I share now, were not always seen as gifts and it’s been a journey to change that story for myself. For much of my earlier life I hated who I was. I hated how sensitive I was. That I wasn’t like everyone else. I hated that I was different and that everything hurt me. That I felt like everyone was trying to hurt me. I hated how shy, quiet and easily embarrassed I was (and still can be). I felt like people were mean intentioned and I didn’t understand that. I took everything personal and I couldn’t differentiate between all the world’s feelings and my own feelings.
I wasn’t born into an environment that understood or was aware of how to nurture who I was. (I think for most people; this truth is very relatable and the indication for the life lessons we chose) So, I suffered. I became tough. I felt alone and shut myself down. Closed off my feelings and ability to connect on a deeper level, because all the pain was too much to bear. I grew up incapable of being vulnerable and with the idea that sensitivity was weakness and I never wanted to associate myself with that. I quietly judged people who cried and complained how hard life was, all the while truly judging myself. I always just kept moving. At least this was the appearance I was trying so hard to project, but inside I was still feeling a lot.
I understand now that one way through healing that wall and hurt was through sharing, not just sharing of words, but sharing of my gifts. I know now that sharing allows for a greater connection which is a very important container for healing. Once I found out about the wholeness of my sensitivity as an intuitive power and a healing path, I then became frustrated with the walls I had built, for even though I could still feel, the depth and accessibility to my feelings and intuitions were covered with old growth vines of trauma and thorns of defense. And I had to work through these. It took some time to understand why the mind develops such harsh ways to protect itself, survival. Maybe if I hadn’t closed myself off to all my own suffering in my younger and undeveloped state I might of went down a dark path I couldn’t return from. There is immense gratitude to be found in understanding this about the pain and the ‘mistakes’ that we endure.
I’m older now and wiser. The energy of my past lives as strong warrior men has helped me. Kept me alive and lead me here. That brute strength, it serves it’s purpose. But only to the extent that we need it, and then once we can hear the call, once our higher selves can sense that we are ready, the real strength comes in learning to put down the armor and begin the journey inwards towards the unseen and the unknown, sometimes towards the darkness that we created. Taking responsibility for the walls we built and allowing vulnerability to take them down. Now is the path of the feminine, the only power that can hold both darkness and light as one and from it create compassion and love. This is the path of the healer, the seeker of healing and the path of the healed.
The time is now to discover how to be more responsible for yourself and less reactive to the negative vibrations around you. Sovereignty means owning who you are at the very core, living your life authentically and not allowing fear to keep you from being your truth. In my experience, becoming aware of yourself as an energetic being is one way to begin this journey. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had been raised with the tools to develop my higher consciousness and intuition, how this would have served me during all those difficult times. I don’t think of this in terms of regret, just in the power of these tools to discern, balance and heal the many layers of our physical and energetic being.
I had to learn that the answer wasn’t not to feel. Because if you can’t feel, you can’t heal. Now I know that my sensitivity is my way into the world unseen. This has led me down many paths of healing, modern, energetic and spiritual. I’ve recently begun a practice of sharing Polarity Therapy which uses the flow of life force energy to heal and restore balance in the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual bodies. Some might ask, how can you prove this? How do you know it’s working or what is happening? This is my gift into the world, and its one we can all experience as our own the more that we open up to it. It’s a mistake to believe that only what we can see or can explain is true. The world is full of mystery unexplained that can be powerful and healing when accessed from a place of calm and developed intuitive perception.
We all have a life force energy flowing within us, that’s been known and utilized in many ancient healing traditions by those who have come before us. This life force energy is responsible for how we integrate and respond to the information and experiences we receive from the world outside of us. This information can come in forms of thoughts, emotions, physical actions and choices. If one or more of the energetic pathways inside of us become blocked this can lead to unhealthy interpretations, physical disease and pain. Polarity Therapy, and energy healing in totality, is more than a science of clearing energy blocks, it’s a means to shift awareness and accelerate your spiritual and personal growth so that you can discover who you truly are, what your gifts are to this world and begin to share them unapologetically.
The universe is always watching us.. supporting us on our journeys…and knows deeply the true rhythm and song of our hearts. She is our one mother. And she is always listening for when we sing to her. Waiting to support us in our divine dance and to bring us home to ourselves. She needs us, as we all need her and each other, to support one another on a path of sacred and harmonious living. Living that supports our well-being and happiness. For it is our birth right to experience joy in abundance and unlimited expression, and she wants this for us! And it is our sacred duty on this earth, to teach others the path of remembering who we truly are. At any time, any moment, you are always connected to an unseen force that connects us all in our hearts. And by learning to tune in and call upon this ancient wisdom that lives in your own heart, the heart of our ancestors still beating in the winds of their spirits, and the heart of earth and everyone around you, you can bring forth your own healing.
What is Polarity Therapy? It’s this. It’s a door way to you and your connection to your energetic intelligence. It’s inner transformation that leads to long and lasting healing. (more on Polarity Therapy later…)
And so I’ll leave you with one of my most favorite prayers. Because if you’ve made it this far in reading, then maybe the call is reaching out to you as well, and you will need to hear this and the song of your ancestors will rise up to sing in your heart and awaken you to the force that lives inside…
‘There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are
Those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel
They are being torn apart and will suffer greatly.
Know the river has it’s destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off
Into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and ours heads above water.
And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate. At this time in history, we are to take
Nothing personally, least of all ourselves. For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.
The time for the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves! Banish the word ‘struggle’ from your attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.
We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.’
-Attributed to an unnamed Hopi elder,
Hopi Nation, Oraibi, Arizona